Look ma, no brains!

What will C-class celebrities not do to be gossiped about.

If you're not Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan, meaning if you don't produce pornos of yourself and continue to show up in rehab, maybe you're like this guy. Wade Witcomb, a magician known by his stage name Wade Live. According to his videos online, Witcomb packaged himself in a wooden crate and departed on a 26-hour trip from New York to Las Vegas. The sad part is, everyone easily bought that UPS security was too dense to notice an 8x5 container with rather large holes and a million tiny cameras pointing outside the crate.

Unfortunately, we were again forced to discover that Santa doesn't exist. As this sort of stunt would break several laws, FBI got involved, and here's the final verdict: last Tuesday, Witcomb admitted that it was nothing more than an elaborate hoax.

Well, there goes his reputation. I always talk about becoming an actress, but no matter how desperate I get, there are some things I will never do for publicity.


Things Masha will never do for publicity no matter how far she gets down the alphabet class:

• Post racy photos of myself onto the internet
  
• Post unsexy photos of myself in a wet t-shirt doing the kissy face onto the internet
  
• Arrive naked to the MTV movie awards
  
• Walk by a poster advertising my own movie and "accidentally" get stalked by the paparazzi
  
• Star in any MTV reality show. Ever.
  
• Liplock a chick on camera
  
• Liplock a chick on camera while another stands watching. That's just rude.
  
• Hang out with these guys
  

That's just a few things off the top of my head. On the other hand, forget this celebrity business. I'm just gonna go work at Starbucks.